


Appetance

by orphan_account



Series: the beautiful and the profound (words) [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Bunk Cuddles, Illness, Josh loves Tyler, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, admittance of feelings, josh ignores tyler, josh looks after tyler, tyler is in love, tyler is sick, tyler is stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9182284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: (n.) an eager desire, an instinctive inclination; an attraction or natural bond.They're standing in the rain when Josh asks Tyler to let him go.





	

"Tyler!" he cuts across the babbling, cuts through the heavy heavy rain that’s finally freezing him to the core. A loud crack of thunder comes from somewhere to the left of them and Josh waits, chest heavy, for it to finish before he is speaking again desperate and breathless and he's suddenly no longer sure if that cracking sound wasn't just his heart. "I love you."

There's silence, Tyler stares on, brow creased as though he's not sure he heard him right, as though he's waiting for Josh to add "like a brother" to add "as my best friend" on the end, the rain is pouring off his hair forming a long stream that slides right down his perfectly straight nose. "Josh I-" there's another crack of thunder and Tyler is thankful because he still hasn't figured out how he wants that sentence to end yet. Lightning flashes and it’s so much closer now, Tyler snaps his head around to see it, a shiver running down his spine, they should really go back inside.

When he turns his head back Josh is in his personal space, his hair completely matted to his head, his white tank completely see through, he's shivering and his chest is still moving as though every breath is taking a considerable amount of effort. Tyler instinctively goes to shuffle back but Josh's hand encases his cheek, his thumb rubbing along Tyler's lower lip. Tyler shivers for a second time, but it’s not the water running under the collar of his shirt trickling down his spine, or the way Josh's hands still feel so warm despite how freezing cold the rain is, it’s something else entirely.

Thunder booms above them but Josh doesn't even flinch too focused on Tyler's face, on Tyler's lips.

"Tell me-" he begins still breathless. "Tell me it's in my head, tell me you don't feel anything, say it and I’ll walk away and you'll never hear about it again."

"Josh I-" Tyler begins but suddenly Josh is pulling on his sopping wet shirt peeling it off his skin as he yanks Tyler into him, crashing their lips together. It’s hot and desperate and Tyler thinks he might drown from how much rain water is running off their noses between their lips, but he responds, doesn't move his hands he stays absolutely still not touching just letting his lips push and pull back against Josh's own, then Josh is pulling away but his fist is still balled up, skin pruning against the drenched fabric of Tyler's shirt.

More thunder, its directly above their heads and Tyler thinks if he didn't have Josh for a drummer he would probably not be used to the volume of it, would probably have to cover his ears in another life.

"Say it Tyler." Josh practically growls as the rumble above them subsides. But Tyler can't say anything, his jaw trembling, he knows if he closed his mouth his teeth would chatter. The cold had seeped into his bones, wrapping cold tendrils around his soul and he couldn't help but wonder if that sensation would still exist if they redid this whole scenario without the thunderstorm.

His silence goes on for too long and Josh gives up. Dropping his fist from Tyler's clothes and pushing past him in favour of shelter. Tyler follows like a magnet, zoned out he's simply pulled along by an invisible force attaching him to Josh.

The connection breaks when Josh slams his dressing room door in Tyler's face. Tyler moves to his own room and heads to the shower, peeling off his sopping wet clothes, his skin feels itchy and rubbery he hates it. Immediately stepping into the hot shower to get it over with he just wants to be dry again so he can wrap himself up in his bunk back on the bus.

Before he can fall face first into his bunk however Michael stops him. A firm hand guiding him to the front of the bus where everyone else is sat, there's a space next to Josh that everyone else must've imagined a "reserved for Tyler" sign on and with a shaky sigh Tyler forces his aching muscles over to it. Sitting as far away from Josh as the space allows, practically folding his limbs in on themselves. Mark gives him a questioning look before Michael gathers their attention.

"The storm is not safe for us to drive in, especially since half the highway is flooded over so thankfully we don't have a show tomorrow so nothing has to be cancelled but that means we're stuck here for the evening. So we're taking a hotel night instead, it was last minute so were gonna have to double up."

some of the crew nod as the bus begins moving out of the venue. The aggressive patter of rain on the roof makes Tyler feel like he's in a tin can, and suddenly the bus is much smaller than he remembered it being. Mark doesn't think it should've been possible for Tyler to fold in on himself any more than he already has but he manages it, drawing his knees to his chest.

Josh's eyes glance over him and something in them shows worry, his hand twitches as though he had intended to reach out to him but changed his mind. without a word Josh leaves the area, leaves him, in order to grab his bag.

Mark is by Tyler in seconds. Tyler is shivering again, he thinks he might have made himself ill standing out in the rain for so long, babbling like an idiot. Josh's confession echoes through his head on repeat and Mark has to physically shake Tyler free from his reverie.

"We're sharing a room tonight." Mark says, it’s a fact not a question and Tyler nods gratefully, relaxing a bit. "We don't have to talk about it." He adds and Tyler relaxes more. He sits, jaw tight to try and hold off the chattering of his teeth, eyes glazed over, he’s in another world as he stares at the floor until someone is poking his shoulder and telling him to hurry up and grab his stuff. Slowly, his whole body protesting, he moves stiffly toward his bunk. before he can get there a bag is thrust into his hands. He looks down at it, hesitant fingers trying to hold the handle but he feels too weak. He looks up when he knows he can hold it to see Josh staring over his shoulder, he sniffs before walking past him and off the bus.

With shaky fingers Tyler opens the bag to see all his essentials stuffed inside, his chest tightening. With hunched shoulders he heads off the bus too.  
Mark Josh and Michael are stood talking in the lobby when Tyler enters. Josh looks as though he was about to say something but Mark interrupts him, motioning for Tyler to follow to their room and Tyler gratefully accepts.

Michael whistles then, once they're out of earshot. Clucking his tongue and shaking his head. "I’ve not seen him this bad in a long time, last time he was this bad he recorded a whole album in his basement and gave up a basketball scholarship."

Josh bit his tongue shoulders crumpling before picking up his bag and heading for the lifts. Michael followed, sizing Josh up.

"Did you two have a fight?" Josh ignored him. Michael took the silence as a yes but didn't press any further.

Tyler crawled into the bed fully clothed pulling his hood up over his head and shivering more violently. Mark watched him concerned but went to the bathroom to sort himself out. When he returned Tyler was snoring softly.

The next morning the rain had stopped and Michael began rounding up crew members from their rooms and telling them to file out. He came to Mark and Tyler last.  
Tyler stirred at the sound of the door, whimpering and curling in on himself, his lips discoloured at the corners.

"How long has he been like this?" Michael asked reaching a hand onto Tyler's burning forehead.

"I don't know." Mark panicked.

Tyler opened his eyes to find himself wrapped in Josh's arms, being placed into a car. He whimpered at the pain in his chest and instinctively pulled Josh in towards himself. Josh climbed in beside him, stroking his hair, soothing him.

When he came to again he was in a hospital bed, Michael speaking to someone in a lab coat, he panics until half lidded eyes meet Josh, head resting on his arms, asleep lent over the cot, one hand encasing Tyler's own.

He wakes again and he's being helped up from the hospital bed, he places shaky legs out and almost falls but strong arms catch him, propping him up against their broad chest, he doesn't look up at them, the flash of green tatted skin telling him his suspicions were correct.

Someone redresses him, someone else tells him to take his antibiotics and get lots of rest, another person pushes him down into a wheelchair. He passes out in another car and wakes in his bunk. His head feels clearer and he's able to breathe without a sharp stinging sensation so he counts it as a win. He just begins to hope that the curtain might serve as a shield, or an invisibility cloak, he can hide silently behind it and the rest of the world will be shut out, will forget he's there and time might stop and nothing is counting down to the end, -he couldn't tell you what exactly was going to end but he'd could easily make a case for everything.

But then the curtain is pulled back gently, the illusion shattered. A small "oh" escaping Josh's lips as he realises for the first time Tyler is awake, truly present and so Josh helps him out of his nest of blankets, he's pretty sure they must've robbed every bunk for them. He's handed a water bottle and a bottle of antibiotics, Josh pulls Tyler towards where he's standing pressed into the side of the bunk and he takes the now open antibiotics from Tyler, he props Tyler against his chest as he pours some liquid onto the spoon, before the dips in the road can cause it to spill he nudges it to Tyler's mouth, Tyler tries to swallow quickly but it’s not enough he isn't prepared for the sour taste and he scrunches his face squeezing Josh's shirt between his fingers and smacking his lips to try to remove the taste.

"Can you do one more?" Josh asks and Tyler nods weakly as the sour taste returns, he almost cant swallow it and as soon as he does begins spluttering as small tears escape his eyes. Josh screws back on the lid quickly tossing the bottle on the bunk behind him before he is trying to get Tyler to drink water. Tyler feels like a child, is being treated like one, is behaving like one and he tries to take shaking breaths through his nose. Josh feels his head and with no warning pulls his hoodie off him. Tyler looks at him confused and a bit disorientated.

"your fever broke not long after you got back on the bus, I" he cleared his throat "checked up on you." Tyler let out a small sob and pulled at Josh's shirt again. Josh ignored him, focusing on untangling the blankets and tossing them to the floor to be sorted out later.

"Josh." it’s muffled into his shoulder but he hears it clear as day, his heart skipping.

"Tomorrow's show is postponed." He won’t look at Tyler, still detangling blankets until he has just two in his hands. "They think we should be able to make it back here right before the two week break."

" _Josh._ " Tyler says a bit firmer as Josh pushes on his shoulder making him lie back down in his bunk. He flips Tyler's pillow, so that he's met by smooth cool cotton and begins tucking him under the blankets. Tyler squeezes his wrist eyes pleading. "Josh, _please._ "

But Josh shakes his head and begins pulling back and then Tyler is feeling the antibiotics take effect, like numbing fingers are pulling at his skull, lulling him into the dark recesses of sleep and he gives in to them, lets the hands tug and pull at his brain because he's so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of trying, tired of thinking. He just registers Josh's hand slip from his, fingers lingering slightly before his eyes flutter shut.

When he wakes again it’s the middle of the night, he can tell by the dark glow coming through the crack in the curtain, the faint blue lights designed to give just enough visibility should you need to move around in the night. He gulps down water his mouth so dry, the antibiotics leaving a sickly heat in his dry throat. He stretches as he moves out of his bunk, limbs cracking and he pushes out a stretch so hard he thinks he might take off, but he yawns instead, his eyes hover over Josh's bunk, directly opposite his own, and he smiles as he thinks of all the late night conversations they've had, the times Tyler would text him and email him and tweet him all at once and Josh would give him another exasperated look as he clicked on yet another notification, but then he'd be laughing and Tyler would look over just in time to be hit in the face with a reeses or some other type of candy Josh had been hoarding in his bunk that week. The times Tyler would wake from a nightmare sweaty and breathless and scared of his own hands that he would try to climb into Josh's bunk, and Josh would let him, let him curl in on himself, pressing their backs together, always their backs, so that Tyler knew he had a safe place to land, Josh's skin an anchor keeping him grounded allowing him to sleep. The times Josh wasn't breathing properly and Tyler would know before they even got into bed that he was not okay, and he would wait until he heard the gasping sobs before he would pry back the curtain and pull Josh into the front of the bus and hold him and stroke his back and talk him through it until he stopped shaking.

Without hesitating Tyler pulled on the curtain to Josh's bunk the blue light fracturing across his face, his features slack and eyelids fluttering. He looked so peaceful that Tyler was powerless to stop himself from bending down to brush his lips over his forehead before loosely brushing a long dyed curl from his eyes.

Tyler carefully eased his hand out of Josh's space but suddenly Josh was gripping his wrist, eyes opening, Tyler gasped at the suddenness not expecting Josh to be awake.  
"Josh-" He whispered. but josh was mumbling something over him.

"Sorry I got you sick Tyler. Do you need more antibiotics?" Tyler shook his head as Josh released his hand. This was all wrong, he felt his heart thud in his ears, a dull ringing sound hung in the late night silence. Michael's snoring wafted in and out of hearing range as the low hum of the bus wavered through gear changes and potholes.  
"Stop ignoring me." He croaked out finally. Josh slumped into the bed rubbing his eyes defeated. Before Tyler could say more Josh was moving the fingers from his eyes in favour of placing his watercolour arm across his face a broken sob setting him into heavy tears.

A little panicked Tyler rubbed his shoulders desperate to sooth him but it only seem to cause more deep sobs to break out of Josh's chest.

"Come with me." Tyler repeated a few times pulling gently at Josh's hand then arm then shirt. Eventually Josh wiped away tears with the back of his hand and slowly slipped out of his bunk following Tyler to the front of the bus and sitting opposite him. They both sniffed heavily but for different reasons.

"Why now?" Tyler finally whispered into the centre of the room.

There was more thick silence and then Josh was speaking, his voice raw and strained but he pushed the words out anyway.

"Because it hurts. Loving you _hurts_ Tyler, it kills me every day."

"Josh I never-"

"I can't lose you, but I don't get to keep you either and I don't know how to do it anymore." More tears escaped Josh's eyes. "I asked you to let me go, please just let me go."

"No." Tyler almost shouted his fists clenching, he stood up as he growled out the word, standing over Josh and causing the older man to look up at him startled. "You think I stood out there in that storm, that I let myself get so sick I had to cancel a show because I don’t care? you think I would even chase after you in the first place if I didn’t want to know you were okay?"

"I’m not saying you don’t care Tyler, it’s-" Josh began but Tyler cut him off.

"You are going to listen to me Joshua Dun, right now." He said his whole body shaking. "I love you. I'm in love with you, and I didn't say because I was too scared to admit to myself that I could let someone in like that, that even you of all people wouldn’t walk away, I never deserved you jos-"

"Not true." Josh sniffed and Tyler gave him a look to stop so he stared at his hands in his lap instead.

"Josh I couldn’t say anything earlier because I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t let you walk away, I couldn’t lose my best friend either but I was terrified, petrified that if I admitted to myself that you’re the love of my life that I would destroy myself."

Josh looks up then, in awe, because Tyler is hurting him but it a completely different way, in a way that makes his heart ache but in a good way he thinks, his fingers fidgeting and suddenly he needs Tyler closer he reaches a hand out to latch his fingers and tug him into Josh's space, and Tyler keeps talking as he shuffles forward.  
"You have no idea the power you hold over me Josh, if you told me to walk to the end of the earth I would, if you needed me to die for you, to kill for you I wouldn’t have to think twice." Tyler took a shuddering breath moving over to sit beside Josh, foreheads resting together, fingers finding purchase on necks and sleeves, holding, waiting, protecting. "but perhaps the scariest of all, I would live for you, I would stay kicking around in this hell just for you, just to hear your laugh or to watch you beat the crap out of your drums." Josh let out a watery laugh before his lips were on Tyler's searching, working slowly, Tyler pushing back desperately until he was drawn into Josh's lap and in that moment, their bodies pressed ever so delicately together Josh found it, that warm familiarity in his gut, his _home_.

"You're my home, you have my heart Tyler I can never walk away from you without walking away from myself." Tyler nods nose nudging into Josh's temple as his fingertips rub circles in the hair at the nape of his neck, Josh's own hands rubbing slow circles into Tyler's hips.

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, you've been nothing short of perfect to me even when you thought I hated you and I-I'm so sorry." Tyler sobbed into his neck.  
Josh shushed him quietly as he swallowed down sobs of his own, "enough of that."

A soft silence and then he’s breathing out a "you love me." and Tyler is laughing and swatting at his chest at the goofy smirk on his lips, but Josh just shakes his head in disbelief. "Tyler Joseph loves me, what a miracle."

Josh scoops Tyler up in his arms then, still giggling like children, pulling him into his chest and taking them back to Tyler's bunk. He places Tyler down on his bed and turned to leave for a second before being stopped by grabbing hands, like a child clinging to it’s parent Tyler couldn't take one second of separation after his admissions. Josh holds Tyler's hand, hanging it over the edge of the bunk as Josh tries to pull his own blanket out of his bunk one handedly.

He crawls into the tight space next to Tyler and nuzzles into Tyler's neck, teeth nipping before placing feather light kisses to his pulse point. Tyler shivers and slips a gentle hand up Josh's shirt anchoring him.

"I love you. I love you. I'm so in love with you. You're so brave and wonderful and amazing and you're my best friend in the whole world and I will spend my whole life trying to be the kind of person worthy of your love." Tyler whispered into Josh's hairline and his fingertips trace tiny patterns into his stomach. Josh shivers and shifts closer, fixing the blankets and then capturing Tyler's lips in a slow kiss.

"Thank you." Josh whispers, hesitant. Tyler hums in content burying his head into Josh's chest. "I love you too. so. much." Josh punctuates the last three words with small chaste pecks to Tyler's forehead. "I'm sorry I got you sick." He repeats because Tyler has to know how guilty he feels. But Tyler shakes his head and pulls on his chin until their lips are meeting again, Tyler's tongue prodding and roaming and Josh can't stop the moan that escapes his throat and then Tyler is smirking.

"I hope I get you sick so you'll stop being guilty about nothing." And Josh scoffs but pulls Tyler closer. Tyler smiles sleepily then, clutching Josh tighter even still, before falling asleep in his arms. Dreaming of thunder that sounds like Josh's crash symbols and wet hair and wet skin and slow cautious lips on his own.


End file.
